I’m STILL Here by John Wall
I was this close to taking my own life.
Photo by: Taylor Baucom/The Player’s Tribune
That’s a hard thing to tell the world. But if you can say one thing about me, it’s that I’ve always been real, and that’s not going to change today. I can’t sugarcoat it. The truth is … two years ago, I was in a really dark place and I just couldn’t see a way out. And I know that probably sounds crazy to some people. I already know the kind of comments I’m gonna get.
“Bro, how the hell can you have all that money and be depressed? You’re John Wall.”
Listen, I know exactly who I am. I’m a dog. I been knocked down and got up off the canvas 100 times. From a skinny little kid growing up in Section 8 in Raleigh to the No. 1 pick — all the ups and downs and the sh*t I’ve seen? I know exactly who I am, and what I represent, and how many people need to hear this. So I’m not afraid to tell you that I've been in a place that was so dark that suicide felt like the only option.
I mean, we’re not supposed to even say the word right?? It’s almost like a taboo, especially in the community I come from. Well, I’ll speak on it.
For me, it all happened really fast. In the span of three years, I went from being on top of the world to losing damn near everything I ever cared about. In 2017, I’m jumping up on the announcer’s table in D.C. after forcing Game 7 against Boston, and I’m the king of the city. I’m getting a max extension, thinking I’m a Wizard for life. A year later, I tore my Achilles and lost the only sanctuary I’ve ever known — the game of basketball. I ended up with such a bad infection from the surgeries that I nearly had to have my foot amputated. A year later, I lost my best friend in the whole world, my mom, to breast cancer.
And you have to understand, when I say I lost my best friend, I’m not exaggerating. I had two nicknames growing up. “Crazy J,” because I was crazy as hell. Ha. I used to literally do anything the homies dared me to do. They had me jumping off roofs into bushes like it’s Jackass. And then my other nickname was “Momma’s Boy,” and you already know why. My dad had been in jail since I was one, and he died of liver cancer when I was 9 years old. They let him out just to say goodbye. I can still see him in that dope 84 Randy Moss Vikings jersey, the last day I ever got with him. To this day, I don’t even like going to the beach, because that was our first and last trip as a family. My older brother was locked up, too. So my mom was my whole world. She would work three jobs just to keep our lights on. (And some months, those lights were definitely cutting off, if we needed that money for AAU tournaments.)
I wasn’t a Foot Locker kid. Everything we got was from the flea market. I was the kid who showed up to basketball practice in some And1s from the clearance rack at Shoe Carnival. I was the kid with the anger issues. The kid who was always acting up. But damn if my mom didn’t love me, man. She used to drive me 45 minutes to my elementary school and wait out in the parking lot because she knew there was a 50% chance I was gonna get kicked out for acting up to the teachers. I used to come walking out to the car with my hands in the air like they’d called a bad foul.
I’d be saying, “I don’t know what I did…. Yo, these teachers acting crazy.” Hahaha. She would just sit there shaking her head like, “See? This is why I don’t drive home.”
“Money and fame don’t mean sh*t if you don’t have peace in your life.”
When I look at my youngest son, and the way he be sticking his bottom lip out and smirking, I’m like: Damn. That’s just like my mom. A little piece of her is still here.
When my older son comes running into the room to jump up on me like, “Raaaahhhhh!!!!! My daddy JOHNWALLLLLLL!!!!!!!”
That’s my purpose now.
And I know y’all heard me say it not too long ago, when I was playing pickup with PG and them…. “I’m BACK.”
And it’s true. I am back. But it’s also something way, way deeper. It’s bigger than basketball, what I’m talking about. It’s LIFE, right?? I’ve been through some of the darkest times you can imagine … and yo….
I’m still here. — John Wall
Source: https://signature.theplayerstribune.com/john-wall-nba-basketball-los-angeles-clippers/p/1